my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Be still, my beating vagina.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
