i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i've created a new STD.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
