you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
