He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
