We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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