no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
