I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
