Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
