oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize