Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize