Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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