pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
