The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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