I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
