Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
