he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
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