So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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