yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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