I just pynch a tree in the face
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
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