the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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