hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
