Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
