Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
