I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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