If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
