I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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