I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize