i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
