he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
