i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
