How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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