I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
