I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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