my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
