I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
