1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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