PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
