does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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