I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
