yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
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I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
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My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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