So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
