I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
