super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
