your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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