Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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