You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
