if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
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I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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