Welp...herpes.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
