My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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