I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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