Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
