i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
