I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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