Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
